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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
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In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
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It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
The truth is more important than the facts.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:28
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